I am lonely. Have been for a very very very long time. I miss having good friends to do stuff with. I miss having my family latterly right down the road. And not saying that I don't have friends here, just not like I have had. And I know part of it is my fault. I don't participate in a lot of the events that going on around here with the local Mommies and wives, but I am having a very hard time connecting with people here. The one person that I had an awesome connection with had to leave (thank you military for that one) and since then I can feel myself slipping into depression.
Then my best friend came to visit and it was so amazing to have her here with me again and do all the things we used to do when we lived two blocks away -- and then she had to go back home, across the country and it was hard. Harder then I thought it was going to be. I miss her more then words could even say. I want to go back to live a year and a half ago (but have Little Man there with us). I miss Florida. I miss my life in Florida. I hate that I feel this way but I do.
I just want to find someone that will drop by out of nowhere b.c they know I need adult interaction, I want to get invited out to do things again, I want to be able to have girl talks and talk about how awful our husbands can be but then again how awesome they are... I know I will never have a connection like I do with my best friend but I really hate that I feel like I have no one. It has made me cry entirely too much and some days I sit here and that is all I think about.
I hate that I feel this way, and like I said, I know part of it is my fault. I want to start getting a group of the girls here that I do know together for a girls night at least once a month. Even if it's just to go out and get coffee. I just need someone to talk to and gossip with. I am a VERY social person. I am and can be a good friend :) I just need to put myself out there more and make friends. I am thankful for the people that I do know here and what they have done for me. I really hope this doesn't upset anyone, like I said I just needed to get it off my chest...